


Blade Through the Beautiful

by Just_say_love



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Emotional Hurt, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt Peter, Hurt Peter Parker, Pain, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Peter Parker, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 03:27:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15403938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_say_love/pseuds/Just_say_love
Summary: Basically, it's *that* scene from the end of Infinity War, but from Peter's POV.It's really short bc I wrote it at like midnight, but please just give it a chance.





	Blade Through the Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is just because I've read a ton of fics about what was going through Tony's mind as Peter was, for lack of a better term, dying. But this is Peter's POV. 
> 
> IMPORTANT: There is an incredibly brief mention of suicide. Literally blink and you'll miss it, but just so y'all know. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Thanos was gone. 

They were safe, right? They had to be. The threat was gone. He’d go home safely, and see May. 

He’d watch movies with Ned. Secretly watch MJ draw creepy pictures of people. 

He’d make up something about having a big project for the Stark Internship. It’d be especially believable seeing as people must know that Tony Stark was missing. 

He’d go back to living Peter Parker’s life. 

 

But something wasn’t right. 

He felt that sensation in the back of his neck, but far worse than ever before. He felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to fall, unable to stop it. A single gust of wind could come by him and knock him off balance, and he’d fall. 

He’d just fall forever.

Then people started disappearing, and Peter knew what was going to happen. 

That Star-Lord guy turned to dust, and then Doctor Strange, and all the other guys. Peter turned to Mr. Stark. 

Please don’t let him go away too. Mr. Stark can’t leave him here alone. He can’t. 

Or what if when Peter disappeared, he was all alone? Maybe he would sit for eternity, all by himself. 

Then he felt the pain. His body was falling apart, and desperately trying to knit itself back together. He wanted to scream in pain, but he didn’t want to scare Mr. Stark.

 

“Mr. Stark?... I don’t feel so good.”

 

The older man turned around, a pained expression on his face. Peter’s heart clenched. He didn’t want to be the one drawing that pain on Tony’s face. 

There was so much Peter wanted to say to him. 

He wanted to tell Mr.Stark that he didn’t want him to give up. Of all the people in the world, there’s no one Peter trusted more to fix things. But he couldn’t speak. 

 

“I don’t… I don’t know what’s happening.”

 

He fell forward into the arms of his hero, the pain too much for him 

He couldn’t go now! He still had so, so much to say to everyone! But how could he?

 

“I don’t wanna go!”

 

As Peter leaned on his mentor, he felt Tony’s muscles tense up the way it did when he was panicked. 

Peter’s heart ached seeing the hurt he was causing the person he loved most in the world. 

 

“I don’t wanna go.”

 

Suddenly, Peter’s legs were… gone.

Tony lowered him to the ground, and Peter glanced up at the sky. Huh, there were clouds. He kind of liked them. He used to look at clouds with Ben. 

Would he see Ben when he died?

And May! No, what would May think. Peter knew he was all she had left. How could he do this to her? They promised each other they’d never leave. Peter was going to break that promise, wasn’t he?

It was taking so much longer than it did for the others. Which made sense as he felt his body try so hard to heal. 

Maybe he deserved this. Maybe he had done something wrong, and this was all his fault. He should’ve pulled harder on the gauntlet. He was so, so close to getting it off. But he failed. Maybe he deserved this…

 

Memories began to flash across his vision. 

 

_He was sitting in the car with Tony on the way home from Germany. Tony reached over, and Peter leaned in for a hug._

_But it wasn’t a hug. Oh well. Maybe someday, he’d thought to himself. And when he got out of the car, he felt his heart swell. This was where he belonged._

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

_“...And if you die, I’d feel like that’s on me.” Those words stuck with Peter, and he had to agree. Tony really didn’t need anything else to feel guilty about._

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

_It was movie night. Peter’s night to choose. Which of course explained why they were watching Star Wars. Tony had his feet propped up next to empty pizza boxes on the table. Peter sighed contentedly. It was just like when he watched movies with his father when he was so much younger. Peter would rest his head on his dad’s shoulder. Sitting next to Tony, Peter sort of melted in the moment. He nestled his head on his mentor’s shoulder, and Tony smiled. He put an arm around the boy, and Peter’d never felt so happy before in his whole life._

 

“Mister Stark…”

 

Peter couldn’t do this. He couldn’t leave. He wanted to be Spider-Man. His body ached to be swinging from the skyscrapers and catching cars. Faces of those he’d saved swam across his vision. A little girl who’d lost her dog. A toddler separated from her parents. A teenager he’d caught as he fell from a bridge. A woman with scared eyes as a mugger pressed a gun to her head. A shopkeeper who’d almost lost his small fortune to an idiot in a ski mask. An old man who couldn’t find his car. 

From the biggest crimes to the smallest worries, he loved helping people. 

He wanted to help people. He wanted to go home.

But he was further and further gone. From the inside out he felt each molecule of his body being ripped apart. His senses were in overdrive. The sun was too bright, the wind was too loud. 

He looked at Tony with a locked gaze. He tried to talk, but couldn’t. It hurt too bad. 

Tony had deep eyes. The man had seen things, that was for sure. He just had this depth to them. You could get lost trying to understand what he’d been through. 

 

There was guilt, and joy, and fear, and love. There was the ghosts of people he’d lost. He didn’t talk about those people much. But Peter knew they still haunted him when he slept. 

In the back of Peter’s mind, he wondered if he’d become a ghost in Tony’s eyes as well. 

He felt to guilty. He didn’t want to leave Tony. He truly didn’t want to. 

But with the whisper of a poem he once heard ringing in his mind, he disappeared.

 

 

‘Sun; far too bright for this dark place. 

Clouds that carry none of the piercing pain in the air. 

A blade slices through all things natural, and beautiful, and maybe me, too. 

Gutted. Empty. Lost. Alone. 

Where is the darkness that accompanies my mind?

Why must I feel so isolated in this strangely beautiful place, where remnants of life cry for joy?

Do I hear the people I lost, calling for me to follow?

Or those I love, begging me to stay?

Regardless, the blade still slices. 

Guts me. 

And I’m… left. 

Empty. 

 

 

Lost. 

 

 

 

 

 _Alone_ ’

**Author's Note:**

> Craving reviews! Please, please, please let me know what you think!


End file.
